By Tarra Christoff
So many of us - men and women alike - have steeped ourselves in myths about how we're supposed to create our ideal work. Myths that grew up from our masculine Western culture. But for women, this purely masculine way is not always effective. In fact, it can be just the opposite. Following this "traditional" approach often makes us unhappy, leads to burnout, and may even be harming our relationships.
Here are three ways to start debunking the myths and creating what you want, the feminine way.
Don't "Just Do It". If it were as easy as a Nike tagline, you would have done it by now. The reality is that our relationship with our work life is complex. We have a history that we are bringing to the work. For example, I have a client who came from a traumatic background, and she chooses workplaces are dysfunctional. Until she does some of the inner work to address this pattern, it's quite likely that her next work environment will look similar. While there is a time and place for taking action, the best action comes from a place of inspiration and trust. The prevalent "Just Do It" sentiment often leads women to feel shame for not being further along than they are. Let it go and instead accept where you are. Acceptance->Awareness->Action is the formula that is more likely to bring the results you want. Don't move into action for the sake of action. Let your actions be inspired!
Eat, Pray, Love. As women, we do best when our chalice is full. We have nothing to give to our work life if our cup is not full. When you have balance in your life - balance that comes from healthy eating, prayer (meditation/yoga/connecting to something greater than yourself), and most importantly, love - you connect to yourself. Loving yourself is perhaps the most important part of the formula for creating work you love. Your relationship with work is like building a healthy relationship with a partner. When you have a deep love of yourself, you are nourished and not needing work to fill a hole inside of you. Try filling yourself up with what you love, and then notice what and who you attract from that space.
Create a Web of Support. Women thrive when they have a supportive community. We do best when we link arms and see each other through difficult times. We like to give and receive support. In fact, we need that web of support to make shining our brightest lights possible. Right now, I encourage you to draw a circle with some lines radiating out from it. On each line, write the name of a woman who supports you. I invite you to connect with each of them and consider one thing she can do to support you in creating work you love. It might be a contact at an organization, a resume review, a brainstorming session. Or it could be emotional support - a reminder of your gifts, a fun night out with the girls, or being your bookend. (Bookending is a simple and powerful tool that's great for taking difficult action. Just tell your friend what you plan to do. Then, once you've done it, let her know that too. It's a easy way to get support - and accountability.)
Here are three ways to start debunking the myths and creating what you want, the feminine way.
Don't "Just Do It". If it were as easy as a Nike tagline, you would have done it by now. The reality is that our relationship with our work life is complex. We have a history that we are bringing to the work. For example, I have a client who came from a traumatic background, and she chooses workplaces are dysfunctional. Until she does some of the inner work to address this pattern, it's quite likely that her next work environment will look similar. While there is a time and place for taking action, the best action comes from a place of inspiration and trust. The prevalent "Just Do It" sentiment often leads women to feel shame for not being further along than they are. Let it go and instead accept where you are. Acceptance->Awareness->Action is the formula that is more likely to bring the results you want. Don't move into action for the sake of action. Let your actions be inspired!
Eat, Pray, Love. As women, we do best when our chalice is full. We have nothing to give to our work life if our cup is not full. When you have balance in your life - balance that comes from healthy eating, prayer (meditation/yoga/connecting to something greater than yourself), and most importantly, love - you connect to yourself. Loving yourself is perhaps the most important part of the formula for creating work you love. Your relationship with work is like building a healthy relationship with a partner. When you have a deep love of yourself, you are nourished and not needing work to fill a hole inside of you. Try filling yourself up with what you love, and then notice what and who you attract from that space.
Create a Web of Support. Women thrive when they have a supportive community. We do best when we link arms and see each other through difficult times. We like to give and receive support. In fact, we need that web of support to make shining our brightest lights possible. Right now, I encourage you to draw a circle with some lines radiating out from it. On each line, write the name of a woman who supports you. I invite you to connect with each of them and consider one thing she can do to support you in creating work you love. It might be a contact at an organization, a resume review, a brainstorming session. Or it could be emotional support - a reminder of your gifts, a fun night out with the girls, or being your bookend. (Bookending is a simple and powerful tool that's great for taking difficult action. Just tell your friend what you plan to do. Then, once you've done it, let her know that too. It's a easy way to get support - and accountability.)
Tarra Christoff is a career and leadership coach with a masters degree in psychology. She is committed to supporting and empowering women called to make a difference in the world. She has coached hundreds of women to create abundant, meaningful, and sustainable work. Tarra has also led workshops for The Omega Institute, Young Women Social Entrepreneurs, Spiral Muse, and progressive organizations. She divides her time between the San Francisco Bay Area and Ubud, Bali, Indonesia. Visit her at http://www.workthatmakesadifference.com/.
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